he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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