You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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