I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
