Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
