All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize