What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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