she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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