Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
