I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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