i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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