Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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