So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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