Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
