so let's talk penis.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
