I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
