Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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