This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
