don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
