so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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