the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
