If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
