So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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