capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
