Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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