I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its liver damage thursday
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
