I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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