Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i've created a new STD.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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