Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my being single is dangerous.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
