I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
