My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
