I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
