Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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