wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
everyone is single if you try hard enough
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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