soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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