i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
