I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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