hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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