What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
