Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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