I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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