she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
