my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
