you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
