I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
