Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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