Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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