Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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