Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
