just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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