To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
