I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
