I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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