Got a toothbrush?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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