he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
